Aloha to Grouse
Grouse Grind Report (27 May 2006) -- Scribe of the Holy See
It was Saturday, May 27 when three noble grinders decided to officially recognize the holy season upon Grouse Mountain. The trio of supplicants were Novice Roggles, Novice Gned, and Brother Gilman. There had been talk in the Abbey courtyard of certain others joining the procession, notably Father GK Galbraith and Brother GP Berengar, but Saturday matins and self-flagellation duties prevented their attendance. Such are the responsibilities of those who have heard a higher call.
It was Saturday, May 27 when three noble grinders decided to officially recognize the holy season upon Grouse Mountain. The trio of supplicants were Novice Roggles, Novice Gned, and Brother Gilman. There had been talk in the Abbey courtyard of certain others joining the procession, notably Father GK Galbraith and Brother GP Berengar, but Saturday matins and self-flagellation duties prevented their attendance. Such are the responsibilities of those who have heard a higher call.
Brothers Cyrille and Emmanuel contemplate the Grind
The chatter was lively at the base of Grouse this day. Novices Roggles and Gned had just spent 10 days at a monastic retreat on Kaua'i and were regaling Brother Gilman with tales of the natural wonders of the "Garden Isle".
"Why, twas as lush as Brother Siebergo had foretold", claimed Novice Roggles, "with typhoon rains every morn and glorious sun every afternoon."
"Indeed, the surf was driven by angels!" exclaimed Novice Gned, jumping and kicking out his left leg to scoop the errant hack back into the circle.
Roggles nodded with approval. "And what's more, it was almost always beer o'clock in this fantastic land!" His skillful rendition of Otto's Irresistible Dance kept the hack count healthy.
Brother Gilman chuckled as he put on a most unsightly display of "English legs" to get the hack back to Gned. The elder Brother had been prevented from travelling to Kaua'i due to a draconian deadline for a rewrite of his screen-adaptation of the Book of Job. Nevertheless, he was giddy due to his recent forays into the pleasures of womanly companionship (only recently permitted by the heads of their Order).
"I never knew that a monk's life could be made so complete by a visitation from a daughter of Eve," Gilman beamed. He proceeded to make several lurid remarks that caused Roggles and Gned to squeal and, as if to further his point, passed the hack with an emphatic "scrot-hack".
"Campfire!" chimed Roggles and Gned. Happily, a hack score of 9 had been obtained. The trio gave thanks to God, restored the hack to the holy glove box, and began the procession up the Mighty Mountain.
"I shan't be running," noted Gned, "so get in front all who wish to make haste."
"Ha ha... there is no way on earth or in heaven that I shall be jogging", responded Roggles. "The feasting on Kaua'i has made me a greater man... by 6 pounds, that is!"
"The season is as young as I am old," observed Gilman. "There will be no speed in these legs today."
Various spin-doctoring not seen since 2003 ensued, with brazen talk of "55 minutes" escaping the lips of these otherwise honest men. In their hearts they knew the truth. In fact, Brother Gilman had made a leisurely trip up Grouse only 5 days before, and Novice Gned had made a pre-season hike (for evangelistic purposes) on May 7, achieving a respectable time of 39:00. Novice Roggles had yet to make an offering on Grouse in 2006, but he had hiked through the mud, jungle and mountains of the Kalalau Trail only a week before.
Interesting facts: Mount Wai‘ale‘ale on Kaua'i stands 1578 m (5208 ft) and is alleged to be the wettest place on earth. Grouse Mountain in Vancouver stands 1250 m (4100 ft) and is known to be rather wet, particularly when Hydrus is passing by. Today, there were no heavy rains - just a pleasant mist, making grinding conditions ideal.
As Gned ascended, he was dismayed to see that the overcast and damp conditions had not kept away the teeming crowds. Indeed, it seemed as though the cool weather had brought out a vast number of families to soak themselves in sloth. Gned's hunger was real, but as a man of the cloth he told himself to rely on the food of the soul. He gave thanks for a good finish (In fact, he has managed his best-ever start to a season but for 2001).
A noble battle was had between Brother Gilman and Novice Roggles, with Gilman stumbling behind Roggles for most of the trek, never letting the sweatier man out of his sight (monk's robes had been removed for optimum breathing and hydration). A daring charge was made in the final quarter, with Gilman taking the race this day. There will be much talk (though we pray no betting) in the Abbey this year about which of these two champions will rise to the greatest heights.
But the season is young and times are not important. What is important is that the Mountain stood, and the men stood upon it. May we see more of our brethren upon the peak in the coming months. Aloha and Amen.
Times for 06/05/27
Gned 38:29
Gilman 43:22
Roggles 43:58
"Why, twas as lush as Brother Siebergo had foretold", claimed Novice Roggles, "with typhoon rains every morn and glorious sun every afternoon."
"Indeed, the surf was driven by angels!" exclaimed Novice Gned, jumping and kicking out his left leg to scoop the errant hack back into the circle.
Roggles nodded with approval. "And what's more, it was almost always beer o'clock in this fantastic land!" His skillful rendition of Otto's Irresistible Dance kept the hack count healthy.
Brother Gilman chuckled as he put on a most unsightly display of "English legs" to get the hack back to Gned. The elder Brother had been prevented from travelling to Kaua'i due to a draconian deadline for a rewrite of his screen-adaptation of the Book of Job. Nevertheless, he was giddy due to his recent forays into the pleasures of womanly companionship (only recently permitted by the heads of their Order).
"I never knew that a monk's life could be made so complete by a visitation from a daughter of Eve," Gilman beamed. He proceeded to make several lurid remarks that caused Roggles and Gned to squeal and, as if to further his point, passed the hack with an emphatic "scrot-hack".
"Campfire!" chimed Roggles and Gned. Happily, a hack score of 9 had been obtained. The trio gave thanks to God, restored the hack to the holy glove box, and began the procession up the Mighty Mountain.
"I shan't be running," noted Gned, "so get in front all who wish to make haste."
"Ha ha... there is no way on earth or in heaven that I shall be jogging", responded Roggles. "The feasting on Kaua'i has made me a greater man... by 6 pounds, that is!"
"The season is as young as I am old," observed Gilman. "There will be no speed in these legs today."
Various spin-doctoring not seen since 2003 ensued, with brazen talk of "55 minutes" escaping the lips of these otherwise honest men. In their hearts they knew the truth. In fact, Brother Gilman had made a leisurely trip up Grouse only 5 days before, and Novice Gned had made a pre-season hike (for evangelistic purposes) on May 7, achieving a respectable time of 39:00. Novice Roggles had yet to make an offering on Grouse in 2006, but he had hiked through the mud, jungle and mountains of the Kalalau Trail only a week before.
Interesting facts: Mount Wai‘ale‘ale on Kaua'i stands 1578 m (5208 ft) and is alleged to be the wettest place on earth. Grouse Mountain in Vancouver stands 1250 m (4100 ft) and is known to be rather wet, particularly when Hydrus is passing by. Today, there were no heavy rains - just a pleasant mist, making grinding conditions ideal.
As Gned ascended, he was dismayed to see that the overcast and damp conditions had not kept away the teeming crowds. Indeed, it seemed as though the cool weather had brought out a vast number of families to soak themselves in sloth. Gned's hunger was real, but as a man of the cloth he told himself to rely on the food of the soul. He gave thanks for a good finish (In fact, he has managed his best-ever start to a season but for 2001).
A noble battle was had between Brother Gilman and Novice Roggles, with Gilman stumbling behind Roggles for most of the trek, never letting the sweatier man out of his sight (monk's robes had been removed for optimum breathing and hydration). A daring charge was made in the final quarter, with Gilman taking the race this day. There will be much talk (though we pray no betting) in the Abbey this year about which of these two champions will rise to the greatest heights.
But the season is young and times are not important. What is important is that the Mountain stood, and the men stood upon it. May we see more of our brethren upon the peak in the coming months. Aloha and Amen.
Times for 06/05/27
Gned 38:29
Gilman 43:22
Roggles 43:58
posted by Gned the Gnome @ 8:48 pm
6 Comments
6 Comments:
Excellent report, Novice Gned. I shall put in a good word on your behalf with the Abbot.
Thanks Gilman. By the way, the monastic theme is inspired by a great board game that we were playing a lot in Hawaii, called Mystery of the Abbey. Kind of like Clue but way better!
Well done my brethren. Sadly I fear that if you were to scan the Abbey graveyard, there you would find my decaying body (I accuse Novice Roggles).
So has anyone bought Mystery of the Abbey yet?
Well done Novice Gned! A most excellent report, and done well before we must return to the Chapel. Although I was feeling as corpulent as brother Berengar, I have resolved, in Corpus-Dei-an fashion, to flagellate myself until I more resemble brother Cyrille. Brother Gilman continues to do extra research in the Scriptorium, I shall spend my time in the Crypt in order to improve my speed.
Someone should totally buy the game - I'd be up for a match any time!
Spectacular report and outstanding times Brothers.
I regret that my supplication before the mighty Cthulhu did not permit my attendance.
I will hope to climb the mighty cathedral with you soon.
Peabody the talking Dog!
Well kinda. But I rented "Name of the Rose" last night, and wouldn't you know it: those slackjacks at Days Of Wonder stole all the details lock-stock-and-scriptorium. From the layout of the abbey, to the names of the rooms, to the names AND ranks of the various monks - all right out of Name of the Rose. Cheeky! It should also be noted that this cheek can be purchased at Drexoll Games, just moments from my front door for the reasonable sum of $56.99
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home